100s

So BOBBY HUNDREDS has done it again. I basically want the new HOLIDAY collection. So if you are rich or feel the need to give... then go ahead and BUY ME SOME CLOTHES!!!!!!

Forgiven?

So it's Sunday morning and I have been up since 6:08 and I can't help but to think back to when I would wake up every Sunday and my mom would make breakfast for my brother, father and myself before we went to church. It was such a comforting feeling. I always felt safe and renewed. I knew I would be going to a place where I would be forgiven for all that I have done wrong that week. I knew I would be going to a place where people cared for me who hardly new me personally; but they did know my story of depression and hospital visits and suicide. Anyways, during that time I was much closer to God. I felt I had an actual relationship with him. And when I would play in the church band I would seriously cry every time I looked out and saw my brother and mom because I was so proud to be doing something that they respected, and that God respected. But lately, I have lost every single one of those feelings. I really don't know why. I rarely pray, I rarely talk about God, I rarely read his word and rarely go to church. It's sad that I've lost that passion I once had. I feel lost. I feel like I have failed myself. I call myself a Christian however, I am the worst example of one. Not to say I do terrible things but I definitely do not live up the expectations that God has placed on me. I'm writing all of this not to get criticism from people but because I needed to get it out (even if it's on a blog). I'm so lost. I don't know if any of you have ever felt like this because I know I don't have many friends who believe in God or even care about religion and its "rules". I wish I had some understanding. I wish I understood myself.