Forgiven?

So it's Sunday morning and I have been up since 6:08 and I can't help but to think back to when I would wake up every Sunday and my mom would make breakfast for my brother, father and myself before we went to church. It was such a comforting feeling. I always felt safe and renewed. I knew I would be going to a place where I would be forgiven for all that I have done wrong that week. I knew I would be going to a place where people cared for me who hardly new me personally; but they did know my story of depression and hospital visits and suicide. Anyways, during that time I was much closer to God. I felt I had an actual relationship with him. And when I would play in the church band I would seriously cry every time I looked out and saw my brother and mom because I was so proud to be doing something that they respected, and that God respected. But lately, I have lost every single one of those feelings. I really don't know why. I rarely pray, I rarely talk about God, I rarely read his word and rarely go to church. It's sad that I've lost that passion I once had. I feel lost. I feel like I have failed myself. I call myself a Christian however, I am the worst example of one. Not to say I do terrible things but I definitely do not live up the expectations that God has placed on me. I'm writing all of this not to get criticism from people but because I needed to get it out (even if it's on a blog). I'm so lost. I don't know if any of you have ever felt like this because I know I don't have many friends who believe in God or even care about religion and its "rules". I wish I had some understanding. I wish I understood myself.